Maritess vs the Superfriends

I first saw this when I was in college. Laughtrip talaga! Hehe.. Enjoy!

Below is a transcription of the Maritess vs. the Super Friends video

Hello, my name is Maritess. I don’t want to say my last name. I want to protect my employers. This is hard for me. Uhm…I’ve been working for the Super Friends… for 18 months now. I don’t want to talk bad but I had to tell the truth.

They treat me bad here sometimes. I come from Zamboanga to work for the Super Friends. I saw an Ad that I said sure I’ll work for you, you’re superheroes.

I’m sorry it’s hard. So I answered the Ad, and I said yes, and then one of them picked me up right away. Wonder Woman, she came in her plane. She said, “this over here.” I could not see it. It must be invisible.

I took the plane ride to America, to a place unknown. I don’t even know where the Hall of Justice is! They don’t want to let me out. It’s so hard. It’s so hard. Okay, I’ll continue.

So the story begins where I come here. I’m you know I get friendly for them. You know they like me. There’s no children except Wonder Twins and their monkey. I don’t like monkey. I don’t like monkey. But I had to send money back home. Okay, I continue. It’s hard.

And so, I think there’s like a sexual harassment here because I am cleaning you know I am cleaning the house, the Bat mobile you know, and then Superman, I think he’s looking through my clothes. I have to cover. I have to cover myself. You’re bad but he has a special power. I can’t do anything. I can’t do anything.

My Visa just ran out two months ago. I’m … my Visa expired, I’m illegal here. I’m illegal alien…But Superman is from Krypton he’s alien. He’s here! He can stay here. I can’t stay ran from earth. That’s not fair. It’s not right. Because he’s white, that’s why. I’m sorry.

I thought we’re friends in the beginning you know because I wanted to go to the Philippines for Christmas to see my family, and it is almost running out of time. So Superman fly me real fast. But it’s start getting hot. He fly too fast. So I said put me down! And I was in Kenya for two days. That’s not right. I miss my family. I have to eat bugs.

But he is not the only one I have worry, I have a worry for the other members of the Super Friends. Batman. I have to say. I have to say the truth. I think he’s gay. I think he is a gay! I think he’s bakla (gay) or I don’t know. Because he’s always hanging around with that little boy Robin. i don’t know. Always riding the car, always going down the bat pole. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know.

But Aquaman, he’s the one. He’s the bad one. I don’t know. I thought I’m friends for him. I thought I could joke around for him. But he get kinda sensitive. You know when the… when there’s like a giant, attacking New York or something like a big monster from the space. And he’s like pushing down the buildings. And all the Super Friends go, you know they fight him except for Aquaman, because he’s always powerful in water. So I make fun to that and I said, “Wow, Aquaman can go again.” I didn’t hurt him.

But there is one time, this is the last try… I have to go on record for this. You know I prepared their meals, I clean their room. I don’t have to worry about Flash, because he’s very fast. He’s in. He’s out. I don’t see him!

You know they’re eating their meals but they eat the American food. But I don’t…But I don’t like to eat that. You know…that’s inhuman of course for a filipina to eat hotdog, chili fries, hamburger. You know so when they are all gone. I turn on the blower in the kitchen, really high, and then I’m cooking my Filipino food you know. And then Aquaman came in. He screamed, “what are you doing? what are you doing? That’s a crime!”

And I just say, I’m just cooking fish. I’m just cooking fish. I’m so sorry Aquaman.